Perspective

Last night I had the weirdest dream about car crashes. I even woke up to myself yelling at Paul, I guess I thought he was driving in my dream and I feel horrible about it! I think it has something to do with how I feel. I think I'm feeling torn between two places in life right now.

On one path its perfect and on the other its like a bit depressing. The first path is walking straight into light towards and with God, the other one is remembering things from my past. I know most of my past is kinda depressing but on the upside I am stronger and beginning to get bolder because of it.

The only thing that I feel confused about is staying true to myself, because I feel like there is a war going on around me and I am in the middle waiting to figure out where I belong.

I am starting to figure out who I am instead of being told who I am.

I want to be someone that youth wants to hang around and someone who helps them when they feel like they have nothing left to give. Everyone has something to say and give and what I hate the most is people who hurt others and I have seen way too much of it. I've even been through it myself. People don't realize what they are doing until its been done. Words are so powerful and I want to make a difference. I want to be encouraging instead of a discouraging. I think I do a really good job at it already but there is always room for improvement.

I feel like there isn't much love in the world, and yes I do know that sounds cheesy. I just want people to know where my heart is. My heart is always going to be the same because its always been this way. My heart is emotionally attached to people. If I call you a friend I mean it and it will never change. I will always be there for you and I will not change any more because honestly I am tired of worrying about what people think about me. If I change its gonna be because I want to change.

I will never give up what I am meant to do. I will always be here for the youth and nothing is gonna change.

Challenge

So recently I have been challenged to let go of what other people thought about me. I must say that at first this is not something I thought would be holding me back. But the more I thought about it the more it became clear that I was looking for something that wasn't helpful for me with people that had nothing in common with me.

I started feeling like if I tried more it would become easier for us to click but nothing happened. So I realized that it doesn't matter how hard you try to get through to someone, if they don't want to let you in then you can't change that. All you can do is be a supporter on the side lines.

but don't keep that as judgement over them because it won't help you grow it will just hold you back.
Be careful of what you think about others because you never know what they are going through.
Just be thoughtful of your actions because you don't want to defend anyone and you don't want anyone to have a grudge against you.

Thoughts.

Today I realized just how much I have been stubborn in my ways.
I thought it was all gonna be fine but today I realized that I am not fine and I need to make a change for the better, to grow, to love again, and to reach out for those in need. I have been caught in this web of emotions that I have made out of the way that I thought things should go but today I am making a change. The truth is if I ever want to move on and help then I need to let go and forgive those that have hurt me, even if they don't realize that they have hurt me I have held it against them and they don't even notice or realize that I have. I believe that in doing this it will help me move forward in what God has planned for me.

The more we hold on to things the more it hurts us and we might not even realize it until it gets too late. We need to own up to our mistakes and bring peace and grace into our lives to move forward.

We all are beautiful, creative, capable, and confident. So why don't we act like it?
This questions me all the time. I am going to start taking this to heart because it's so true.

<3